It is entirely possible that this constant feeding of cats may drive me crazy. Just like it is entirely possible that I lamented with every lady I’ve ever lived next to the entire impossibility of consistently engaging in some sort of creative endeavor. That means that sometimes art can be a nag.
How many of us have so wished for ignorance, its reputation of bliss. A taste of unbounded exploration and we’re always wanting more. Within the context of our hard-edged realities, we strain to see the places where the lines may blur into something bigger, or sharply focus on a tiny detail. All the neighbor ladies want to be artists. Is it possible that I tend to live in neighborhoods with high concentrations of middle-class artistically frustrated white women, or is artistic frustration a cultural subtext of our demographic group. We are smart enough to know that there are other ways of seeing, but our vision is tangled with our privilege and somehow art feels at times like a dense and selfish act, and we lack the confidence to believe that we have the right to say or see a goddamn thing.
I’ve been so terribly busy these past few days. I seem to be hurrying, always. Funny how I have recently realized that, for someone who considers herself a bit out of the loop, I have my schedule synced with a billion other busy families. The kids and I are often behind the same car at the same stoplight in the morning. When the time changes next month – the month after? – we will not get home until an hour after dark. This is the only drawing I’ve done the past couple of days. You can see the eraser marks. I drew it quickly and quietly, the page tilted almost perpendicular, trying to pretend like it was work.
I have, however, been adding paint to some older drawings. I seem to waste a lot of paint and so I am trying to devise a way to preserve a palette that contains acrylics, watercolors, and Higgins ink. I have been using an IHOP to-go box with a snap tight lid. It sort of works. The water I spray onto the paints before I close the lid tends to make things run together. That’s okay.
Production style painting is a new experience. I’m using a four foot board length and a single palette. Trying to do multiple paintings at once. I get distracted though, stuck on one part of a single drawing. That’s okay.
I’m not a machine. Really.