um…July? Hi, my name is Faith and I need to talk to you about June…

——Original Message——
From: Me
To: Me
ReplyTo: Me
Subject: Myself and I
Sent: Jul 1, 2010 12:41 AM

Well, now: THIS is interesting. It is not every day that you ASK your mother to stand up for you even if it makes no sense…

And she does, sends the link out to a few people — and the morning is a little hopeful and new somehow…and then: it is not. The ghost hand starts it’s pushing and pulling and plucking and picking on my heart and the kids pick up on the rift and the boy is anguished by the mere fact of his sister’s existence. She is trying to be good, and then – just as determinedly: she is not…

Her feelings get hurt by the vocal cursing of her very existence and then she cries and then the boy wishes she didn’t exist and then she cries…

A long 1/2 hour of negotiations and de-escalation are required to strike an easy peace between them.

And then another.

And another.


The kids are sometimes so anguished by one another and the lines between them are drawn with a child’s quick slashing hand…switches and…

then she doesn’t care.


Except, of course, she does…

I am really missing mundane right now…

REALLY missing it…


I dunno…I guess it’s a vortex like anything else, spinning and sucking…and alone – even by reluctant choice – takes just as much effort as being

‘not alone’ –

i.e. being much more interactive in the walking and talkingness.


I am figuring out how to use my 8-track a little more efficiently and scheming ways to compile sounds in a way that is streamlined and un-intimidating. There is low-level banjo practice as the soundtrack to this video, which is a compilation of a few of the images from the past week or so, the second 1/2 of June: take that…


I am just terribly confused, about the 8-track among other things:

It seems to me really unlikely to be true that I have had my private email address and actual name and personal but not (usually) sordid business posted online for almost a year and NOONE has bothered me good or bad…

I can’t really think or talk about this fact.

Isn’t that the strangest thing?


Maybe all the making is me trying to figure out what to make of it?

( the video will be uploaded later…it’s taking too long for right now.)

please. please. please.

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