I will be the Ambassador, if needed.
I am actually perfect for the job.
(I feel a little sick.)
urgh…this whole thing is starting to bother me quite a bit. It is just so distracting.
(nervous little laugh)
I think that – at the end of the day (not today, mind you…but, you know – the day)
Okay. Let me try this again: I am an experimenter. I like to see what will happen if I…
Of course, I am also a benevolent human being and believe strongly in the human rights of emotive and perceptual freedom. This does not mean I am some wacked-out proponent of psychedelic drugs. I think that sometimes chemicals can affect our physiology in ways that illicit (through forceful and toxic catalytic reactions)
the semblance of enhanced…
emotional/sensual (in the true sense – no pun intended – of having to do with our perception of the world around us and how we, personally, interpret stimuli. I am not talking about sex when I say sensual.)
(the sky is practicing emotive freedom…I am really quite on the edge of hysteria.)
(okay – not really…)
When I talk about emotive freedom, I mean the freedom to be honest with ourselves about how we feel and to gain enough objective insight into how our perception of circumstances may be impacted by our unique neurology and experiences.
I don’t think that most people have the critical thinking skills or the emotional coping mechanisms that make proactive deconstruction of our assumptions about self and other to be a safe or wise endeavor.
You can’t just wake up one morning and decide to deconstruct.
I think that a higher degree of positive self-awareness is most easily gained by simply trying to be honest.
If you don’t care for eggplant and the thought of it repulses you – just say, “No, I don’t care for any, thank you.”
“It’s REALLY good!” Plate extended.
(You know you are supposed to take a piece and then exclaim that, “Yes! It IS really good! This is the ONLY eggplant I have ever liked!”)
(But, you don’t like it. Nothing about it appeals to you.)
“No, really. It makes my tongue feel all weird.”
Seriously, if you are honest enough in your reasons for not being able to stand something that shouldn’t even matter…well, usually people are baffled enough to just let the issue drop.
And sometimes they don’t call back.
Really, though – do you want to be involved with someone who is going to force you to eat eggplant so that THEY can feel good? No stupid side dish should ever compromise someone’s prerogative re: what they put into their bodies.
One of the most upsetting nights of my whole life was the night about a hundred and fifty people came to my house for a really rockin’ house party. I hid in my room most of the night and the dogs stayed right with me, growled everytime someone came upstairs. They knew I was completely flipped out by all these frickin’ people in MY HOME!
I can hardly even talk about it.
Really. I am so lame.
But, not nearly as lame as those jerks who rolled their eyes at me as I said, “Excuse me,” in a small panicky voice, trying to get to my kitchen.
It is stuff like this that made it super hard to live with people who love noise and parties and small talk and good times.
What constitutes a good time for some people is a tedious nightmare to me. True story.
The frickin’ clouds are up to it – no pun intended (Lotta puns lately, sorry ’bout that.) – again.
I am really only going to take a couple of pictures today. It just seems so peculiar to me, these same strange forms – day after day.
10:21 AM (3 hours ago)
It has been such an INTERESTING few weeks.
First the clouds and the odd sense (which was probably the result of mega-doses of pyroxidine, i.e. Vitamina B12, i.e. red bull…
B12 aids significantly in the function of neurotransmission. When the boy was young and we were worried that his maladaptive and unusually unusual behavior may be due to some treatable neurological condition, such as a seizure disorder – well, we took him to the Pediatric Neurologist.
Who tapped the boy’s knee to illicit a reflexive kick and a smile from our now (in the Dr.’s office…) charmingly adaptive kid…
We explained the murky diagnostics we had been given re: spectrum disorders, blahblahblah. The Pediatric Neurologist then assured us that any diagnosis of an autistic spectrum disorder (as this group of ‘disorders’ was then known) – well, it should certainly be followed up with Neurological Testing, such as a sleep deprived EEG and an MRI, possibly with sedation if needed – to rule out structural causes of impossible behavior.
We told him we’d have to think about it.
Starting off with some bloodwork, we went to the lab and tried to get the boy to take a vitamin B12 pill. We had stopped at the drugstore to purchase some on the advice of the Pediatric Neurologist. He began to cry, we had to wait. It all felt fuzzed carpet coffee stain bad hair and bright scrubs slick chairs of vinyl and the television – always the television – blaring away in the corner…ads for razors and war and low-cal snacks, investment firms and medications…and to us all, I’m sure, it felt a little like a small nightmare.
The boy screamed. They took a lot of blood. We went home, not speaking to one another – trying hard to be there for the kids, who had just been through a long, strange morning…it was a bad day.
However, not as bad as the MRI + EEG day would have been – had we opted to do that. The lab screwed up the labels on the vials of our son’s blood and so it had to be re-drawn. He was stoic and got a toy afterwards.
The bill for the bloodwork was 1600.00 –
However, it is very good to know that the boy does not have any of the rare genetic disorders that he was – without our knowledge – tested for. One of the tests cost 400.00 – really.
The boy is maturing into a remarkably gifted young man who is not inclined to do things without clear reason.
This is a trait that I hope to preserve in my children – the nagging need to know WHY…
Because there are sososo many cultural explanations – I have found that it is best to consider the functionality of human endeavor on the basis of the economic relationships and biological consequences that any given human action may affect.
Simple and measurable cause and effect. Natural consequences.
We have gotten so concerned with what it all means that we tend to lose sight of what it all is – blurring the trees for a glimpse of the forest.
We are a species.
Relatively new to this GIANT ecosystem.