Faith is tired. Good Morning.

Oh,
is that the Lamb of God that ya’ll are slaughtering?

Cute.





Alright, fine. I have to admit that images such as this are a little suspect to me. I mean, what kind of weirdo spray paints her floor gold? And is that her foot? Ew. Gross.

Really, she ought to do something about those porch columns.

Oh, and that guy in the sky…what is his deal?

Maybe folks don’t realize it, but I am starting to think that maybe the world would be a much more delightful place if perhaps there was,

hypothetically, a

backwardsforwardsdrawrofsdrawkcab

sort of girl who is…um, negotiating with clouds…’cause see, I have this friend…

Folks, if Billy Graham can have
‘Conversations With God’ —
(or whatever. I wouldn’t know. I am a waste of his ministry’s time…hmmph.)

 

Well, then I can sit on my porch
and wonder what exactly these clouds want from me…I am happy to help – but, I am a little too, um…skeptical? to be much more than a notetaker.

Seriously, thanks for the offer – but, could you find someone else to proclaim…or whatever. Please…thanks.

An old friend of mine who I am rarely in touch with said that when she was a kid in Wyoming, she thought the sky was God. Her mother, a Catholic, was appalled.

I think she was right. I also think that the sky needs to lay off me a bit.

I mean, dang! – I’ve got stuff to do!

I know folks seem to have a hard time seeing it (though how, I don’t know? I mean, folks – it is RIGHT THERE…?

You are all totally nuts. Really.

So, let’s just say the sky is God…which it is not, I mean it is…but, did you notice the silhouettes of the trees in recent pictures? People don’t look at anything closely enough. I had no idea how profound the problem is. Is everything taken in with flash/quick fleeting glances?

What does the world even look like if viewed with eyes that don’t really see much…probably hard to see how everything is everything, seeing as how we’ve become so disconnected from everything that connects us to everything.

It is 4 am. I am determined to stay up all night, just so that I won’t be tired when I have to get up in a couple hours to say, “Happy Birthday!”


Uh Oh. I just remembered that I have to ice 2.5 dozen cupcakes for the classroom party.

I really just want to be left alone…but, not totally useless.


(It’s been an interesting Pandora night on my Palace Brothers station…I think that if this God/Force/Everything situation can make the clouds look like the saddest of eyes, and even Santa Claus…well, I guess the ethers are the ethers…and if the clouds can spell, well – I feel like the soundtrack I’ve been receiving has been eerily appropriate. Hey, maybe Pandora reads this blog? Hahahaha.)

Maybe it’s confusing to people that I have an f*in gold mine of Inspirational Photography (gag.) and I am really reluctant to proselytize. Urgh. There goes the Pandora again.

Every time I think to myself,

‘No way, dude. Uh uh.
Ain’t
that girl, man.’

– – – well, there goes the music.


Everything
we screwed up with all the splitting hairs…different interpretations of the same sky arose due to geographic isolation. The division of God/Everything has really distorted the truth of the situation.

(Urgh. There goes the music.)



sick of thinking about how wrong people are about It. 

Everything. The symbols of various religions throughout the ages are what particular groups saw as important in a sky that was universal.

Because humans are far more arrogant than The Everything ever intended – and have a bad inclination to be greedy and vengeful, murderous, savage…beasts. Well, the storytellers/interpreters told the stories in the way that best fit their needs.



I never really wanted anything other
than friends
that feel like home.

 tough shit. hahahaha

it’s like 2:03 am and it’s my son’s birthday.

Man, something just occurred to me…maybe, instead of a chosen – I am a last resort…people keep trying to kill or ban or burn or bury or bar behind bars and locked doors. I wish that I had a list of all the psychiatric patients and homeless people who have been convinced that God was ‘speaking to them’ (sic) via cloud forms…of course, they probably lost their shit and, buoyed by the remarkable certainty that is imparted by the sky – started blathering away on street corners or weeping in public or something.

Sorry God/Everything – I don’t weep in public anymore. That is sooooo June…

Really, nothing shocks me…well, one thing shocked me…the power of ‘marriage’ to completely erase a friendship, even with thousands of miles between…that rocked me…to be deleted. I was like, ‘Whoa! People are even meaner than I ever imagined.”

Finding out that even respectable organizations use corporate-modeled stratification to circumvent full-disclosure of practice. I can’t work for a place that I don’t trust. Literally, I can’t. I fall apart. I feel insecure. It is scary and strange, like school and marriage.

It shocks me how scary – to me – all the every day deceptions of wellness that we so vigilantly maintain…how scary the everyday can be.

I have had a gunshot wounded kid show up on my porch and I held my baby as I held him, pressing a cloth full of ice over his bleeding stomach…I buried the bloody cloth in the backyard…4317 Ne 7th Avenue…SW corner, by the neighbor’s lilac. He lived. The story is blogged in here somewhere.

I was fairly calm through the whole situation, carrying in my arms the boy who will be eight this evening. I wish I could carry them like I used to. They got big.


————————————————-

Even 9/11 didn’t really surprise me. If anything, I was surprised that tragic misled false righteousness didn’t lead to falling buildings before the year 2001.

Of course, it has – and is, as I write this…just not on ‘American soil’ –

I mean – what the f* people? We pay gobs and gobs of money to watch films like Schindler’s List and there is real live genocide, slow and sudden EVERYWHERE!

And we’re all, “Well, it’s just so tragic. Someone should really do something about that.”
SKY  SAYS:
GOD HATES WAR.
So, I’m all like, “Well, why don’t you go do something about it? Go make a cloud or something to block the sun over Washington for a couple days.”

Of course, if we think about it…it seems like God/Everything has been trying to get in touch with people for a good long while. Even a high school drop-out like me can figure that out.

I don’t even know anything about all that – I just know that it seems a little obvious that something has gone terribly wrong.

This is really too overwhelming.

Fortunately, I have my clear recollection of what I was doing eight years ago on this at this very moment…except Pacific Time…being terrified and in an impossible labor that didn’t end for another 18 hours…ah, yes…one other thing that managed to surprise me – – – just how ineffective a sleeping labor coach can be. Yeah, big help.

So maybe I can deal with this. It’s kind of mortifying. How much I still give a damn about what people think.

It would be so cliche for me to ‘get saved’ at this point in my life. It makes me feel sick how f*in cheesy Americans have made revelation…

This is just too embarrassing. I mean, sadly enough, I imagine that some lost friend or another might read this and quick ‘click’ exit out of the screen and wheel the chair away from the desk with a finality that says, in it’s hollow and wheeling way that – ‘Yup. She’s a crazy bitch alright.’ Hahaha. ‘Sort of sad, Poor Faith.’

Whatever.

It is a testament to my sanity that I can see crap like this over my house for three f*in months…and aside from the several calls and emails I sent re: the clouds and their shapes (People were fairly rude and dismissive, even though I acknowledged that it sounded a bit odd. I presented it as an, “Oh – how interesting and peculiar that this stuff keeps showing up…haha.
Um…thank you for your time.”)

Well, I don’t even talk about the clouds aside from the writing I do here. I have been, when I feel like it, telling the drunk men on my street to look up, and – man -I have got to tell you, the most-beat down stumblers can spot grace when they see it. They walk up to the car, suspicious and hard-eyed and by the time we part ways, they are smiling the smile of the bewildered.

Just in case, you were wondering – I don’t proselytize anything cloud-related to my kids or if they are around. Other than to get a little preachy at times about the importance of trying to see things from other people’s perspective and to be nice…blahblahblah…

(By the way, I don’t actually hear any words or anything like that, just sort of a nagging sense of duty. It’s the kid faces…I want to wash my hands of the whole thing and then starts the parade of animals and sad-eyed babies. The sky is manipulative and bossy. Fortunately, I know exactly how to deal with that type of personality.)

SKY SAYS: ONLY GOD IS ALLOWED TO BE MEGALOMANIACAL.

It would be awesome if this was a conceptual super-ruse that all my bitter ghosts (folks who never got their due in the walking and talkingness…mostly because people are rigid and judgmental…) are constructing.

Funny, I’ve always been fairly skeptical of God – but, I have always believed in ghosts.

It’s all part of the same thing.

Nothing ever really dies.

Could one of ya’ll – Boynton Beach, Tallahassee, Opelousas? Please just call whomever – everybody? – and here is what you say: There is a girl in North Carolina. She has pictures that could prove the existence of God or something like that. It’s true. Thousands. No, she’s not crazy. She’s seems like a pretty good person, for someone who has always been judged to be a fuck up.

You may not want to use those exact words.

Of course, we’ll deal with the fact that the God of megachurches and dismissive judgment isn’t really the God that God had in mind…at least that is the sense I get. I also think that I don’t want any little bit of the way ya’ll treat “holiness” –

I just want people to be nice to each other and try to remember how little we really know about how old this little round rock really is. There is plenty of mystery in the world.

Go on, Florida – this is waaaaayyy better than anything on tv. Might just do some good, too. Maybe. I have some really great pictures of fish and other ocean dwellers that may be used as evidence that…

SKY SAYS:
GOD HATES WHAT HAPPENED TO THE GULF

…it’s true.

(I am about finished with this marathon post. Death Cab for Cutie mysteriously on my Palace Brothers station. 405. From the album, We Have the Facts and We’re Voting Yes. Okay.)

I don’t think that means anything, but okay.

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