Notes

Thank goodness for Blogger. I think that I am establishing myself – if only in accrued evidence of atypicality of sensory perception and artistic productivity – as deserving my own wikipedia page. However, wikipedia is pretty darn complicated and tough on the eye. It is really not for the faint of heart…or attention. I imagine rooms and coves of thick-lensed wiki-ers. I do enough on my own, just churning out this endlesseldnebloggagegaggolbsseldnendlesseldneldne (that isn’t perfectly palindromic. Figure out how tuo erugiF .

Are these what you call ‘word games’ ? Yes. You. Well, I consider them exercises in mindfulness and mental and neurological processing professionals, as well as linguists will tell you that experimenting with language and it’s usage is good for your brain. I guess I didn’t start to get really obnoxiously verbose until winter…after I had drawn and written daily for about six months and the house was 38 degrees on morning. And I’d wake up early and the stars were so bright, like ice themselves and I sat with my legs propped on the pellet stove and I emailed myself, because I didn’t have anyone else to talk to.

I still don’t really.

However, I am making some ‘friends’ – an old man with sea blue eyes who is from…

capecodoutsiderochesterandchristmastreescienceteacherestacadaoregon

…and sells pumpkins and chrysanthemums at the farmers market. I met him playing music on the street Saturday night. Well, I was playing banjo and he was feeding Under chicken strips and telling me about his dog, Strange.

I’ll tell the story of him telling that story for no less than an improv speaking engagement, 90% of the profits going to some sheltering system that helps people and dogs…and maybe permission to take Under to play ball with the boys who’re locked up, the sentenced mothers…

Jesus Christ, this world breaks me…how can we stand to just go about it and go about it and go about it? I am not sad. I am reverent. I am convinced. I cannot turn away from truth…from evidence…whatever it implies. I try to be neutral.

“Ha! Neutral! She’s the least neutral person…” And go on and let your voice falter, ’cause you know I am just human and the way I have handled the circumstances – so many blessings I never even half-hoped for…of my humanity…

I am trying to show my children a model of patience, of perseverance, of trying to take the path of least offense…and so know that when I am in offense/defense…well, in some realm, you can count on me being attacked in some way…just the click of a line gone dead in my hand…a flat hollow voice, “Goodbye, Faith.”

I am really trying to bear this well…and I think that I am, excuse me for saying so…pretty much kicking ass and taking names…I don’t spread ’em around too much, just take note…and it is remarkable how little we can get by on…

…and how much can be found in unexpected places.

Do you find it inappropriate that I play music on a public street, laughing with strangers about how well Emily Post is suited for improv banjo…in the midst of all this? Well, I figure I better make good use of my time…always. Speaking of, I did a brief survey of NBC news post 5-minute segment of a Doogie Howser re-run…television is confusing and disorienting…the news started off with pictures of young black men expelled from school and hanging round the building, hassling a female…and then arrests…lights in the dark…

Awful stuff. All of it. I think I might want to write Mr. Beck again. I don’t know why I seem so compelled to talk to him specifically. I guess it’s the name…I still don’t know if we’re related. I do know I have a lot of research to do tonight. I hope his health is okay. Last year, I put my coffee pot on the top of a tall-ish shelf and I didn’t mean to keep it there, because it is almost impossible to make coffee – reaching up like that. However, I figured it is good practice for when I have to trust my hand to know where to pour water. I figure I will go blind someday…my eyes are fairly lousy. So, I try to prepare.

I am very much like my father in that I like to be prepared for things that are eventual.

Better record a song first.

…more later…or tomorrow…soon…always…

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