"Ranting and Raving"

…this is actually a fairly nice little bit of banjo with the B string tuned up…SoundCloud is a super-functional platform for music sharing and is waaaaaay easier on the eye than counterparts.

This weekend was a bit of a bust…I went through the motions with relative ease, but with little ease from relatives…the longer the kids are, mysteriously, being isolated away from their mother, the more difficult it is for me to even think the word f-a-m-i-l-y…it just h-u-r-t-s…

Still, nobody has – to any great effect – stepped forth on my behalf. The Deparatment of Social Services didn’t even call me with the new social worker information. Nice, huh? Do they not understand that alienating mothers from their kids doesn’t prove anything other than supreme dysfunction…to make me call up there…

“Um, yes – I need to find out my kids’ social worker?”

When I didn’t even do anything!?!? No. Nothing.

I was treated in a way that qualifies as 8888888 888 88888, and – instead of seeing my increasing creative and social agitation as evidence of obvious and ongoing mistreatment…

Well, it was easier to have me involuntarily committed for reasons

that still haven’t been made entirely clear.

I haven’t gotten my records yet.
I really don’t care that much.
It’s all fairly subjective.



I guess making
someone’s coping mechanisms into your crises can cause some discord and confusion.
Especially when people don’t listen to a f*in’ word I say because of my “illness” – nor have they for a long time, though often I am quite sensible…it is only when people treat me poorly that I become a bit disordered and edgy in my speech. It’s something that happens to people…no, not the mentally ill…all people…when people are mean and unreasonable, well – sometimes it hurts people…

…give me a break, the only time I am depressed is when I think about the fact that, as far as my family is concerned, I am diagnosable and disposable…and even the skills I have are dismissed. “Ranting and Raving” – that was nice. Very nice.

Next time you write over a thousand pages in under a year, while (at that point) employed in a challenging job and trying to be a good mom in an impossible situation…well, next time you do that – just let me know and I will be sure to write you off with the swift and succinct mindless cruelty that you all seem to dispose of me with.

It’s been a long time since I let myself feel anything akin to anger…months…but, I am getting a bit – – – um, frustrated.

Compassion is a real bitch, isn’t it? Yup. Sure enough.

Well, let me tell you…you’d be ‘unstable’ as well…and the really sick thing is that still, even with my countless offers of bygones and whatnots, they just won’t quit…what you see is what you get folks…

I am trying to make friends, which is a little hard. I am trying to find a job, which is a little hard. I am trying to be forgiving…but, enough is enough. Sick…to wound someone and then, to cover up your violence…you kill them?

It has been almost a month since this seizure started. A month. They haven’t been here for more than a few minutes for a month. I cannot even think about the extent to which I – and my kids -got rolled…

…and that is why I cannot chat…

I am trying to fix things so that when my kids get older they will never ever be treated like this…by people who claim that the cruel misunderstanding is somehow in their best interest?

Huh?

By the way, if you are someone else who hasn’t called or hasn’t returned my message…well, gee – thanks…it seems the proof of hearts is in pudding and porridge…

I am trying to stay gracious, for lack of a better option…but, this is truly fXcking me up…in ways my “chemistry” never did…why is that so hard for you all to see…? It’s really sort of sick, what is happening.

I AM THEIR MOTHER!

YOU ARE BEING MEAN TO THEIR MOTHER!

Good luck explaining that.
You reap what you sow.

Each and every one.

It is simple.

<…>
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