Clouds. I went to a service today at the Varick and the singing lifted my heart, but I got scared by all the old stories about new beginnings. My chest hurts. My throat is closed. I have terrifying dreams that wake me up every few hours…so, maybe I am not as steady on my feet as I said I was, they are still tangled in such impossible nets. Then again, I am standing alone…the best I can.
I hope that people are satisfied by the amount of pain they have caused. I wish that truth, sense and reason, and memory of who I actually am…who I was to you…would somehow come back and cause people to realize that my biggest vulnerability – the one most capitalized on – has always been that I am terrified of losing people and places I love.
I don’t really understand how it all came to this…but, I feel sick that people would do this, and keep doing this…
I have never felt quite so erased. I just want people to fess up and fix this…it hurts everyone.
I want the sky to be the sky again.
Branches make branching patterns.
The last time I saw an October full moon quite so big and bright, it was 1999.
Trees, the day before.