Let me re-phrase my phrasing of ‘imaginary friends’ – such a term is too vulnerable to scorn and diagnostics. Shall we say ‘role models’ instead? Yes, we shall.
A lot of them are saints, some are music makers, many are writers, a couple are old boxers, a few are presidents, activists, one of them is my blessed old dead uncle, Marcus Beck…who ran away, but whose sister – my great grandmother – saved his letters and pictures and drawings so that he would be known as more than a fleeting family legend about running away to the circus…he was just too good to be the son of an old Georgia judge.
As I went to sleep last night and was thinking about the field day that people who would love to see me crazy, to prove their own righteousness, might have with my mention of ‘hellish’ days and ‘imaginary friends’ — how they might try to write me of some split mind…
Well, some old magic happens at night and I had no dreams of pursuit and even when the dog was barking in the dark, I just hushed him and went back to sleep…knowing that everything was fine in my small world.
If you read this blog with any comprehension (meaning breadth and depth) well – you will know that I have written well over a thousand pages and that I have written myself into corners and then right back out again…it is what I do, I take on my little world at all angles and sometimes the rubble of deconstruction piles up, but I always clamber back to a vantage point of clarity.
I won’t fall over, because I am not made of cardboard and because I was trained by an old man named George in how to shift the weight on my feet so that I remained standing, in spite of what blows may fall upon me…
The nice person who sent me these links (that I forgot to post)
sent me a word last night regarding old Druid ceremonies involving ‘reading’ the clouds and calling up ghosts. Here is a portion of my reply:
Thanks for the insight and I will try very hard to not simply escape into some indulgently cushy new age pagan subculture.
Definitely Peace, Always –
(I actually don’t feel that bad…just sort of baffled by some tired hope.)
(Remember, my theory is that it is ALL THE SAME THING, just with different stories attached…so what the Druids called Neladoracht may be very much what Easter Islanders called…whatever it is they may have called it…the premise is that when people focus their electrical and sonic fields, we are able to bring up and out something that is bigger and older than we are…which is connected to everything in the same way it is connected to us…by electron, breath, salt, and water…there is a biological component AND a spiritual component.)
That being said – Cheers and Goodnight!
(Thanks again for being nice:)
And the reason I won’t quit is not only out of reluctance to just cut my losses and re-fasten the blinders…the realization that pushed me so hard in late summer was that our way of life and current understanding diminishes our ability to really feel…well, anything…and that some of the actions that are being taken in pursuit of power and profit are putting our species at grave risk of losing some vital components in our connectivity.
Here is another video, with some fairly 1/2 hearted banjo practice from last night…I tried to call up the old river that helps me to just play – but some devil of doubt was at work somewhere and the neck of the instrument seemed so heavy that my wrist was shaking with the weight of it.
I just did the best I could to stay on time…
(In case anyone is curious, I am very cautious about the name Jesus Christ in anything I write…as I told the Pastor on Sunday, “Please, I need someone to help me to understand Jesus. People have messed him up for me. They have done horrible things with his name.” And I was so sad as spoke those words…that the role model of all Western role models has been reduced to a flat five letters, used and used and used and used…and so dishonored by our beliefs and actions against one another. That is all I will say about Him. Not out of disbelief, but out of respect…)
(In retrospect, Christ isn’t so difficult to understand. He was made to be straightforward and good. It is the fact that so many who claim His Name in their hearts seem to find it acceptable to behave like Pontius Pilate…that is what I simply cannot reconcile.)