This is an excerpt from a letter to an old friend, who got in touch after years and years. It explains it all in fairly simple terms. It was so good to hear from an old friend.
“Seriously. I don’t understand why people settle for such a small offense-defense existence. It just seems very petty to me. I really think that commercial media has abused us all into submission…fear and consumption, eating us alive. The saddest thing is that our created ‘realities’ aren’t even real…or good. How did we get into this mess? It’s as if nobody remembers what it’s like to be actually human, we all just seem to be stuck in our roles as workers and consumers. Even the ‘artists’ among us strike me as being just placeholders, role players…nobody seems to feel much anymore, huh?
I guess all that sounds fairly negative. It just makes me terribly sad that this is the world my kids live in, that they will inherit this empty husk of heart and toxic habitat. And for what? So that the corporations can be in the black and the military industrial complex can strong arm us all as part of their warped war games. It really makes no sense to me. It doesn’t make sense to a lot of people, but it doesn’t seem to change.
It’s funny – when I was a little kid, already worried about world, I’d look at all the different churches down in St. Mary’s and wonder how they all believed in the same thing but sat in different buildings and sang different songs. I always wanted to save the world:) Which is unrealistic, I know. Totally naive.
The thing is, I figured out a long time ago that the only thing that could possibly re-route us would be the return of some undeniable God. Early this summer, when I was wrecked and heartbroken on my front porch and started noticing natural phenomena that I couldn’t explain and began to feel suddenly awake and alive and hopeful…well, I just ran with it. Ran right off a damn cliff, it seems:) Most people would probably have been content to be ‘born again’ and just go nuts over Jesus or something. But, nooooo, I had to go and try to prove God. Hahahaha:)
It really makes perfect sense, though. That ‘God’ would be electric – how many clouds and lightning bolts are in the good old Bible? It’s all so obvious to me that all these different religions arose as people observed the same phenomena and, due to geographic isolation, made up different stories to explain it. The thing that gets me though is that people totally neglect our own electrical components. I mean, we are totally electric! Our hearts beat because of electricity and we can see, with modern technology, the electrical activity in our brains. We ‘hear’ sounds because of electrical impulses sent from the tiny seas in our ears.
I think that all those ancient religions and rituals were about connecting with the bigger field in ways that people could actually see and feel the result of. Of course, higher powers were subverted for the purpose of power and profit and all our ways of believing have been stripped of the practices that actually connect us. It makes me sad – to think that these past few centuries have been so godless and that people have lost access to what is bigger than we are, that it’s been taken from us.
I felt so awake and alive when I was documenting all those triangular shadows in the sky, thinking about old Pink Floyd album covers and Buckminster Fuller and pyramids:) I know there are ways to wake people up, re-connect them with one another and with the bigger field…but, those ways are written out of our holy books and contemplation of those ways is now, conveniently, deemed to be ‘mentally ill’ – there are so many ways that people are kept down…and I really want to deconstruct them all. Like I said, I guess I got a little ambitious. I’m just sick of it…all this robotic walking and talking around in circles, buying ourselves into our own cold graves.
I think there have been various artists and musicians who figured out how to connect, but within the context of modern culture they were limited. There are a lot of songs that parallel my weird turn of mind and spirit this past summer. I think that the activity of the bigger field is cyclical, like so many things…comes around and goes around, waxes and wanes, perhaps responds to disruptions in our fields on the ground…all the death and dying that sends our little lightning bolts up into the air when our hearts stop beating.
It’s all so grandly simple, isn’t it? Nothing is random. We just don’t pay attention to our hearts or our out-of-nowhere thoughts, we’ve learned how to ignore them…because it’s easier, I suppose. Just stay in line. Yeah, people seem to resist the idea that a 34 year old unemployed mother of two might be posting up evidence that the past 3,000 years may have gone terribly wrong and that it’s all more magically scientific than we’ve been told. Proof of God would be an inconvenience, huh?
I guess I’ll keep going with it, if nothing else, it keeps my mind focused on something other than good old ‘reality’ -“
Note: the reason I am reluctant to focus on ‘reality’ as it is defined by those external to me is because it is a rip-off of my humanity and dignity as a thinking and feeling person. My walking and talking world has become sad and small and frustrating. True story.